Don't Be A Strip Tease
by Kara-Loves-Gaara
Summary: "There lies our problem. He was cute... and he was a man! I know a woman my age is supposed to be able to handle that sort of thing, but honestly, I'm sure you can imagine how awkward it is to have a tall, dark, and handsome and did I mention extremely sexy, stranger shake hands with you and tell you he's there to examine your boobs! Not fun at all..."
1. Chapter 1

**Don't Be A (Strip) Tease**

**Chapter One: The sexiness of this chapter title goes without saying**

**Hello my pretties! I'm feeling a lot better now and I felt like putting up a new fic ^_^ I think this story will be a lot more fun to do, plus I also wanted to practice writing in first person. Ah yesh... this shall be fun!**

**PS... anyone wanna just take what I've got written for Night Sky and type it up for me? I would Luv you forever! lol... I'll put that up soo too I hope... I just need something more aid back to write -_- yah know? lol.**

**Also: IDK why the words are so small! I fix that next time ^_^**

* * *

"So how has your love life been Sakura honey?"

"Fine Mom," I say as I shut the front door. I'm a 26 year old kindergarten teacher who lives with my 60 some year old mother… how does she think its going?

"You're not getting any younger," She says in that sing songy voice I'm supposed to never take offense to. "You work too much darling, time to get out and find yourself a man!" I roll my eyes and kick my heels down the hall through my bedroom door. I walk into our kitchen to make a sandwich only to find that every trace of bread had been eliminated. "What did you do with all the bread?"

"I watching a TV show this morning and it said that dropping bread out of your diet can help you lose weight… and I think we both could stand to lose a few pounds." I give her a glare as I pass back through the living room, "I just bought that bread. I swear, if you're gonna randomly put us on a diet, do it before grocery day and I just won't buy the food!" _Damn it!_ Of course since it's my mom I'm talking to I can't actually _say_ that out loud… I could practically hear the woman pout, "Goodness, I can pay you back if you're gonna make such a big fuss over it." Honestly, I just want a sandwich, but since I can't make one of those I decide to take a nice hot bath instead.

My mom can be really annoying with her randomly anorexic ploys. Usually we both eat whatever is put in front of us and neither of us have ever been overweight. I've actually been told that I'm on the lanky side (drunk assholes).

I strip as the tub fills and ease myself into the warm water. Today had been a particularly rough day in class. I sigh as I feel the dirt and finger paint melt off my skin. I hear my mom shuffle to the bathroom door and thank God I locked it. "I forgot to ask how your exam went." I grimace, "Why on earth would you do that to me Mom?" Earlier in the week my mom had sent me to one of her favorite doctors for my annual breast exam. I was happy because this doctor always gives my mom a hefty discount… family friend of some sort.

"Didn't you think he was cute?" There lies our problem. _He_ was cute, and he was a man! I know a woman my age is supposed to be able to handle that sort of thing, but honestly, I'm sure you can imagine how awkward it is to have a tall, dark, and handsome (did I mention extremely sexy?) stranger shake hands with you and tell you he's there to examine your boobs! Not fun at all; I can feel myself turning red at just the thought.

"Well I just thought… Sakura he's a very nice young man and-"

"MOM I PROMISE YOU I WILL HAVE NO RELATIONS WITH THAT MAN IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM EVER AGAIN!" The whole seeing my tits early thing screwed that for all eternity.

There was silence and then I heard a kind of cough/wheezing outside the door followed by a big thump. "Mom?"

"Mommy?" I jump out of the tub as fast as I can and grab a towel. I dial 911 for an ambulance when I open the bathroom door. My mother was lying in our hallway unconscious.

* * *

I'm sitting next to a hospital bed that is holding my still unconscious mother, trying not to cry. I called for the ambulance and then ran to me room and threw on a random sundress that was on the floor (where mom puts my laundry if it's not out of the dryer) and put on house shoes before running back to see how mom was doing. My extremely long, pink hair is still soaking wet (the stuff take 45 minutes to dry!) and I know I look a complete mess.

"I she still unconscious?' We came as quickly as we could." I look up to find two very attractive looking men. One (the one who had been talking) looks extremely flustered. He is wearing matching dark blue scrubs with pictures of ramen on them. I almost want to laugh, he had bright blond hair and blue eyes, but that's not what made me laugh. The man has what looks like whiskers drawn on his face! "Oh are you looking at my face?" He laughed, "Yeah, one of the kids in our pediatric section like cats… and I took care of him this morning." He gives a cheesy grin and then turns to his partner. "This is Doctor Uchiha," He says motioning to the extremely sexy man who is examining my mother. He has dark hair and creamy, almost pale skin, but I can't get a good look at his eyes because the sun is glaring off the reading glasses he's wearing. I feel like I remember him from somewhere. _Oh crap_. Of course he's the doctor from a few days ago, I twitch in my seat.

"Hey you! Aren't you going to say anything?" The man says, loudly. The doctor just looks up and stares at both of us. Does he not remember me? Then again doctors do have a ton of patients to see everyday there's no way he can remember-

He smirked at me! I was just a flicker but I caught it! "Naruto, I'm sure you can take care of the rest." The doctor says in a cool voice. He hands his clip board to his partner and leaves. I stare at the door.

"That's Sasuke for ya!" The blond man says, grinning, "I'm Naruto boy the way. I'll be your mom's nurse!" I try not to laugh again, _Nurse Naruto…_ Naruto pouts at me, "Hey, men can be nurses too… anyway, Sasuke has known your mom for a long time; he really cares about her a lot. I can assure you she'll have the best care here." I nod. It was kind of weird having someone talk to you like a child.

"We do have to talk about cost though." I cringe, I barely make enough to support me and my mother with my teaching job, and her retirement money all goes toward food. We had just enough to live a comfortable middle class life.

"Usually the hospital charge $5,000 a month for a situation like your mothers for complete care, but because of your special connection to Doctor Uchiha it has been lowered to $1,500 a month." I felt the tears coming, I couldn't pay that no mater how much money shifting I did… I couldn't pay that if I didn't eat! Could life get any worse? Then as if by request my nose starts streaming blood onto my dress! Naruto hands me a tissue and says, "Hey, it will be okay, I'm sure you have family that can help you out. Go home, get some rest and come back tomorrow and we can work it out." I nod and grab my purse to go, "Thanks for everything, I'll be back tomorrow." He smiles and waves goodbye before turning to take care of my mom.

* * *

In the car I cry.

Naruto is wrong of course. I don't have any more family. They've all died except for mom. I don't have many friends and the ones I do have don't have money to spare. This isn't something you ask friends for help with anyway.

I hear my phone ring and when I look to see who's calling, Ino's on the caller ID. I'm really not in the mood, but I answer anyway. I here lots of noise on the other side, "HALLOW?" I cringe, "Hello Ino?"

"HEY SAKURA YOU NEED TO MEET ME AT THE CLUB TONIGHT GIRL!"

"Look Ino, I'm really not in the mood-"

"IF I DON'T SEE YOU MOTHERFUCKIN' FACE AT THE CLUB TONIGHT I'M GONNA KICK UR ASS AND CUT OFF ALL THAT FUKIN PINK HAIR! Understand?" I sigh; there was really no use in arguing with her…

"Kay I'll see you there! Luv yah sista!"

I start my car up and smile, Ino is exactly what I need on days like this and she knows it.

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**Aren't you excited to find out wether or not Sakura gets her tush wupped? I know I am :3**

**Lol... see ya'll later.**

**PS... I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME REVIEWS... I'll cry :(**


	2. Chapter 2

**Don't Be A (Strip) Tease**

**Chapter Two: *WARNING* Keep your Pants on!**

**Okay well I know this story has been on hiatus for a while but worry no more dear readers! I have a cover picture (thanks to the most wonderful woman on God's green earth!) and I shall be updating the story now! you'll be able to find a link to my wife's page on my profile soon c: whelp... Here you go everyone: read on! **

**PS. Read my other two lovely stories "Night Sky" and "Bros with benefits" in your sexy spare time ;) **

**ADVERTISEMENT: Today's story has been brought to you error free thanks to Kara's wonderful Jagiya/manager MARGO HESTER! LUV yah! 3**

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I curled up on my couch with a warm cup of tea. I decided to give Ino a raincheck whatever may come. I did a little bit of budget bending and then decided tonight would be a great night to wallow in self pity; since on Monday I would have to be all smiles for my kindergardeners and when I'm looking for a second job. Tonight would be the night I'd allow myself to feel sorry.

"SA-KU-RA! OPEN THIS DOOR SO I CAN CHOP OFF THOSE LOCKS!" I cringed, "No Ino!"

"FINE, WE'LL DO IT THE HARD WAY!" I heard...my doorknob turning? I'm sure I locked it when I came in, and Ino doesn't have a key...so then how?

"S-sorry Sakura...she would've cut my hair instead...and you know how my father would feel about that."

~note~

So I guess some of you are wondering why Hinata has a key to my house when no one else does, right? No, it's not some nonsense like she's the only friend I trust or anything like that.

Right outside of the town I live in is a cult village. Hina's father is the head of it, and Hinata is their heir. Since she was genius material when ready to enter college, she convinced her father to let her go. Since then she's lived pretty independently, but just in case her dad randomly decides to go psycho on her, I gave her my key so she has a place to hide out. I hope that makes sense. I'm not going into detail right now because I'm sure you'll find out a lot more about this particular religious faction later.

~end note~

Ino stomped right past me and into the guest bathroom yelling about how dead I was now that she had found me, "where are your scissors bestie?" she yelled from inside the room, "I'm gonna make myself a new wig!"

"As if I would tell you that!" I yelled back. When Ino's drunk, her bark is usually a lot bigger than her bite. After showering me with a string of apologies, I told Hinata to make herself useful and grab some snacks out of the kitchen. The events that happened afterward came so quickly that it was almost like a dream. The air suddenly smelled of vodka and there was a pair of scissors at my throat. Ino spoke, "Stand up slowly, or the hair will pay." She led me to my bedroom, where a whole outfit had been laid out for me. A very slutty one I might add. Honestly, I didn't even know I owned a red sequined mini cocktail dress, but apparently Ino was able to find it even in her drunken state. She was uncannily conscious whenever she drank. My outfit was completed with a pair of glittery gold stilettos, a pink clutch, and some serious bling.

"You choose. Club, or no hair?" I really had no choice. Ino always kept her promises...and she's been waiting for a reason to cut my hair, since my long hair apparently made me look like a sad, single, and lonely Rapunzel.

I took a quick shower and put on the outfit. When I came out Ino whistled at me, "You look totally hot girl! Time to make this town our bitch!" I was really uncomfortable, I forgot how much cleavage this dress showed. Hinata did my makeup for me and then fashioned my long hair into a curly side ponytail.

When I was deemed 'complete' we piled into Ino's green PT Cruiser and Hinata drove us to Konoha's 'leaf district', the area famous in our city for its nightlife. We drove past one place called _Club Kunia_. We all thought it looked like a pretty good place to start the night off, so Hinata found a spot to park, and we walked to the entrance.

~disclaimer~

Now, before you all get on me about going clubbing right after finding out my mother has a serious disease and is in the hospital, I have this to say: what should I have done? Cried? Wallowed in self pity? Anything except have fun and try to forget for a little while? Well I've been doing that all day and I'm not even going to use Ino as an excuse for tonight. I did this for me...and I'm not guilty. It's okay to just get away from life and not feel anything for awhile, so I did it!

~end disclaimer~

We got into the club with no issues, probably because the three of us were wearing really skimpy outfits (Hinata's less skimpy, but still...). Inside it was an all out party, music blasted so loud I could hardly hear myself think. The only lighting in the building were various strobe and spotlights along with the glowing bar and dance floor.

Before I knew it I was alone. Ino had probably gone off somewhere in the crowd and I'm sure Hinata had gone to her usual hiding place, the bathroom. She always brought a book and found refuge in the perfectly lit stalls. I decided not to attack the dance floor right away and went to the bar instead.

Apparently the club had a ninja theme, because all the employees were dressed in ninja cosplay. The bartender wore rounded glasses and had hair dyed grey, tied back with a black bandana with a leaf pattern on it. The minute I sat down, he was asking what I would like to drink. I asked for a strawberry Jell-O shot, and he chuckled a little. As he pulled it out of the refrigerator he said, "I haven't seen you here before." I smiled at him politely, "Oh, I'm not a regular. You'll probably know my friend though; she's pretty notorious in the city's clubs." He laughed at that. I asked for another shot and downed it in seconds. I didn't have much of an alcohol tolerance, but I could hold some liquor. I knew my limit, and I was only drinking enough to loosen my limbs and help me relax. After serving a few more customers he came back to me, "So what's your name?"  
"Sakura," I replied after taking what I decided would be my last drink for the night. I noticed him look through a notepad and saw that his name tag read Kabuto.

"Sakura Haruno?" I nodded, "Then you have no reason to be down here." He pulled a VIP badge out of his pocket and handed it to me. He told me to go up a flight of stairs and show my badge to security and I would be in...and he was right!

To my surprise, Ino and Hinata were already in the room partying away with the other super rich and sexy people that managed to get into the VIP lounge. The area was a lot nicer than the lower level of the club. The music wasn't as loud, and it was nowhere near as crowded. It smelled like their was incense burning somewhere nearby. Ino left her current dancer partner and ran up to me, "Oh my god, isn't this awesome?" I smiled, "Yeah, how did you get us in here?" She gave me a weird look, "I didn't...apparently you have friends in high places, girl."

Suddenly I became a bit paranoid. Friends in the club running business? I'm a kindergarden teacher. How would I get those sort of contacts?

As I checked the room for emergency exits, I noticed an extremely large tinted window at one side of the room. "What's that?" I asked Ino, nodding towards the giant window. She shrugged.

"That's the special VIP room." The voice was much clearer now. I recognized it from a few moments ago. Just as I had guessed, Kabuto was behind me holding a platter filled with various drinks. "A few very important people in there wanted to make sure you were well taken care of." I looked at him, "excuse me?" I asked, but before he could give me an explanation the crowd roared with laughter and whistling until it took up a steady chant of "LAP DANCE! LAP DANCE! LAP DANCE!" We turned to see what all the excitement was about, to find Hinata, who had been trying to peacefully read her book in solitude, under a spotlight as a drunken man slowly danced around her and began taking off articles of clothing. She looked terrified. My mouth dropped a little, "Oh my god. What should we do? I mean- I mean we should help her!"

"Don't worry, I got this!" Ino said as she strutted her way over to the spectacle. I moved to follow, but Kabuto grabbed my arm. Somehow he had managed to get rid of the drinks he was holding and was currently leading me over to a very soft looking couch. As we sat, he spoke, "Sakura, my employers have been watching you." Glancing over, I saw Ino had now joined the man in circling Hinata's seat to the beat of the music. I looked back at Kabuto, "Watching me?" Hadn't I just gotten here?

"Yes, they're very interested in your..._assets_." Now the man was straddling Hinata, and slowly unbuttoning his shirt as Ino gazed hungrily at the two...hungrily? I shook my head in confusion, "Wait...what? What's going on?" Kabuto placed a hand on my knee; it was eerily clammy and cold, "Sakura, my bosses would like to offer you a job." A job!? I needed one of those! Wait, what kind of a job could mysterious unknown club owners have to offer? Maybe a bartender? I was pretty clumsy but I guess I could manage that? I turned to check on how Ino and Hinata were doing, and to my horror I found Ino and the unidentified drunk man grinding on top of Hinata's lap as she whimpered pitifully. I was speechless and Kabuto took it as encouragement to go on, "Our new strip club _Ice Breaker_ will be opening in a few days and we haven't hired enough exotic dancers yet."

_No. No way_.

"We only want our club to be filled with woman who have very _unique_ attributes."

He winked at me.

* * *

**V.I. ?**

**It looks like we're going to have some lounges inside of lounges... WILL THEY BE PLAYING LIMBO INSIDE?**

**you can only find out if you review :p**


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